Frequently, a desperate wife contacts our ministry asking us to pray that God will fix her husband. The husband may have an addiction, may be living with another woman; he may be abusing her and the children, or participating in illegal activities. The list of possibilities is long. Usually the wife wants us to pray that God will make her husband change.
God doesn’t make anyone do anything. He provides everyone with opportunities to change, but God allows each person (husband and wife) the freedom to choose right or wrong, blessings or cursings. Your mate got where he is today because of his choices. As difficult as it may be to admit, you are where you are today because of your choices.
If you will allow me to be your mentor during the reading of this message, I will share with you how to apply godly principles that will enable you to lay aside the victim mentality, and help you renew your mind to God’s view of who you are – a woman of valor, influence and great courage. God has sent His Holy Spirit to be your Counselor, Helper, Advocate and Intercessor, and He has given you the power to arise from the weariness and hopelessness of circumstances that attempt to ensnare you. You may be the desperate wife who is waiting on God to do something; God is waiting on you.
Religion would have us believe that divorce is the unforgivable sin, but we know that isn’t true. There was a time when I always discouraged divorce, but that changed after I saw someone very close to me literally wasting away. After seven years of marriage, this desperate wife who is a daughter of the Most High God looked like the walking dead. I didn’t know her situation, but I knew that she needed deliverance. My heart began to cry out to God asking him to surround her with songs of deliverance.
The day came when this beaten down woman asked to talk with me. She shared that she had given her husband an ultimatum: either go to marriage counseling and give up his addiction to pornography or move out. She could no longer live with the disrespect and degradation – the mental and emotional abuse. The confrontation was a scary thing for her, but the Holy Spirit was faithful to give her counsel, help and strength; the courage to rise to the standard of righteousness. Her husband chose to leave, but God went before her and prepared the way. After a period of resolving some of her personal issues, she met and married a Christian man who loves God. (She committed her ex-husband into the keeping and care of God.) Her testimony is one of many that we receive proclaiming the goodness of God.
All testimonies are not the same. A few years ago one woman shared how God revealed His love for her, and she wanted more than anything to obey Him. One day while praying about her marriage she felt led to stay put even though she was in an abusive situation. God gave her the grace to withstand her husband’s next two half-hearted attempts of abuse without railing against him (a big change for her). In a short time this man repented with tears and confessed Jesus as His Lord. His repentance was for real, and he became a loving husband. (This wife’s behavior changed so drastically that her husband wanted to know what had happened to her. When she shared with him, he wanted to surrender his life to her God who changes those things we can’t change.) Isn’t this what every woman who lives with abuse desires? Yes, but it doesn’t always end this way!
Another woman shared with us that God told her to leave, and he prepared the way of her escape even providing income and a home for her. She never divorced her husband, but because of her stand for righteousness, he came to know the Lord not long before he died. The key features of these testimonies were the same. These women obeyed God by walking in love and maintaining a humble spirit.
I urge all women in difficult circumstances to let go of the victim mentality, denounce self-pity, and reject feelings of powerlessness; embrace the God-given power to choose. God has sent the Holy Spirit to guide you and give you the strength and courage to obey him. You will be given the wisdom and experience the power to make choices that bring honor and glory to God.
Next Week: Part 2 of A Message to the Desperate Wife
Copyright © Germaine Copeland 2006
Germaine Copeland is the author of the best selling book series, Prayers That Avail Much. She has written scriptural prayers for the family. Read your Bible, pray and attend church where you can soak up the love and faith of God. You will receive emotional healing, experience spiritual growth and become more intimately acquainted with your Heavenly Father, and your relationships will grow stronger.